The Shift

Image by Roman Kraft on Unsplash

Life feels abundantly full lately. Things have shifted for me and it’s been such a relief.

For one, I’ve stopped trying to figure out a side hustle to bring in extra income. Yes, it was nice getting a check every month when I was writing on the side but y’all, I missed my free time. Yes, it would be nice to earn passive income, but my heart just isn’t in cooking up an idea and executing it. Not right now. I’m still writing my newsletter once a week, and working on my podcast has given me a great outlet for my creativity.

I also stopped and took a hard look at how I’m treating this body I live in. I’m often the first to fall prey to a plate of chocolate chip cookies or a bowl of ice cream but my perspective has shifted. I’ve finally stopped connecting my diet to my appearance, weight, and size, and have moved toward, “Will this help me do cartwheels when I’m 80?” I’ve been inching toward cutting the crap that has no value added, but in reading Better Than Before, I realized some things that were holding me back from totally making the switch. It’s easier to resist that warm, gooey chocolate chip cookie when I keep the future in mind. The best part is that I don’t feel deprived- I feel like I’m in control. I never thought I’d see the day when I could live without cheese, but here I am, doing just fine without meat, dairy, sugar, and alcohol. My health comes first these days. Learning I had PCOS was definitely a wake up call for me.

In the same vein, I joined a gym. It hurt to say goodbye to that money but I’m not dreading working out like I was before. Why? The shift. Away from, “How fast is my 5k and did I lose any weight?” to, “What is this body capable of?” Not holding myself to any expectations really helps too. I do what I feel like doing. It all counts. There’s no agenda here. No goal six months away. No time to beat. Just me.

I talked about this before, but when I went off of social media in June it was  life changing. I didn’t want to go back. When I log into Facebook or Instagram now, I’m bored. I’ll scroll a bit, but I fail to see the point. When I think about all of the things I used to post, feeling obligated to say something, share my thoughts, and be present, I feel exhausted. Does anyone care about half of the stuff I post about? Nah –  and they shouldn’t. It’s unnatural to cherry pick my best thoughts and constantly share them with others. Why force everything into an Instagram caption or Facebook post? It’s been fun keeping things to myself, sharing them with my husband or a friend in person, or writing them down and letting them marinate in my brain.

I’m fully back into gratitude and working my way toward regular meditation. Both of these things make me feel good and they’re simple. Meditation can feel complicated, but the idea is simple. Sit with your thoughts. Accept them. Move on. Repeat. And gratitude? Easy peasy. I regularly take a minute to stop and appreciate the things I’m grateful for. Like yesterday, when I stopped to savor just how much I love beans. BEANS, of all things. It’s the little stuff.

I’ve been getting out into the sun. Most days during the week on my lunch hour you can find me out on my beach blanket in the grass, reading (or cat napping if I’m being real) in the sun. It’s a delectable way to spend your lunch hour. I recently added in ocean sounds and it’s as close to the beach as I can get on a work day.

I went on vacation. A glorious nine day trip away from my regularly scheduled life. Never in my independent adult life have I taken a proper vacation with no other agenda and I’m pretty sold on the premise. “Welcome to the party.” –Everyone else.

Other than all of that, I’ve been trying to work on how I show up. Instead of being short, impatient, and snippy, I’m hoping I can start to move toward a more compassionate way of being. I do well with this at work but I’m not always great at doing it in the rest of my life. Yep. Owning that. Working on it.

I’m so stinking grateful for this life. When I think about my life two or three years ago, I’m floored with how much things have changed. I’m trying to savor moments with people, places, and things I love and it’s making a huge difference.

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